before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
That's the international "my vagina is unoccupied, come talk to us" chant. You have your mission. Go.
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
I DON'T EVEN KNOW ONE MINUTE IM SITTING HER THE NEXT IM FLYING PASSED THE MOON
PISSING MYSELF IN ZERO GRAVITY
THOSE AIN'T STARS U SEE TONIGHT GURL
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
Dude I just came exactly at the crescendo of the Catalina wine mixer duet from step brothers.. Advance to next level.
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
Getting high with your mom, but thinking of you!
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
I guess we coulda said a little less mature audience and a little more e for everyone.
Randomize
