why is there a picture of someone wearing Tevas with socks taped on the wall?
I thought Christmas was going to come before I did
He' s half Black and half Italian, I finally asked...this penis maybe one for the records.
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
I feel the need to send all my exes pictures of penises larger than theirs. Because they all must suffer.
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
I’m at that point in my trip where I’m kinda hot, kinda cold and I have to remember to breathe.
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
Vulcans are sexy now IT HAS BEEN WAY TOO LONG SINCE I'VE GOTTEN LAID
SUFFER THE WRATH OF THE PISS BAG
I think the heterosexuals across the hall are negotiating about breeding. How do I figure out which one is against it and back them up?
Randomize
