we're blogging at a bar
Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
Were not really friends so much as I suck his dick a lot
making an appointment with student health services to check out my pinkeye on 4/20. they are going to thing this is such a joke
Alive...but barely. Had dinner with my parents tonight which was conveniently located near where i left my car, phone, and self respect
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
She's riding a bike down the street and drinking brown liquor. A pt cruiser is honking at her and she's like I HEAR YOU!!
Mike showed up naked and in handcuffs. Again. Feel free to come over and laugh because I'm not helping this time.
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
I told him I want him to read me my Miranda rights while he's fucking me. Act exactly like he does while he's on duty except with his dick out.
Im so sorry for peeing on your chest.
I just licked honey off my own tit. Is there anything about that which doesn't SCREAM single???
Randomize
