well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
You had sex with him even after he literally described himself as a "coldplay guy"? There's a line you just don't cross. There is a line.
I would ask why there is a chair tied to the door of the fridge.. but I am not sure anyone knows the answer.
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
You act as if I'm the first person to pee in the Taco Bell drive thru at 2 AM, I'm sure a lot worse things have happen in that drive thru than my urine.
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
I just found out that I slept with Kate Gosselin's publicist back in June . Brb I have to wash myself endlessly.
i'm totally cool with all the dick sucking you're doing down there, but as your brother i think i'm supposed to warn you our parents will be home in 5
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
Is it morally wrong to give today's hookup a Krispy Kreme from yesterday's hookup or is it just fat love?
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
she peed her pants, took them off, the put them back on. but she only put her legs in one hole.
You think you can just send me a picture of your dick and everything will be ok?
Yep.
Randomize
