And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
You and i never got to the, we dont care what we look like friend-stage. you know? like not brushing your teeth stage.
sorry im really high
mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away
No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
I found a picture of my kindergarten class. Now you can see whose peer pressure I succumbed to.
it makes it look bigger when i shave, i hope its not the same for a girl
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
You're the third person who's asked me for an afternoon blow connection in one day. Unreal.
That's more of a you-issue than a me-issue
After this week, alcohol is mandatory.
I need two food groups: booze and turkey sandwiches
He had a tattoo of the Batman logo around his asshole. I noped right the hell out of there.
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