I just told my boyfriend I think I might be pregnant using Emoji icons....
which icon did you use to tell him he's not the father?
I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
i cant belive i got a ticket! i know what his dick tastes like!
Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
Last I saw him was around 10 this morning. He was passed out on the porch with his head under the barbeque cover and there were cups of orange juice around him as well as loose tobacco spread everywhere. Good luck getting a hold of him.
We just had a sexually tense moment where we both chose the trough the pee. I love gay clubs.
you know what would be perfect? if you flew in on a horse/cat holding taco bell and then you swooped me up and took me to disney world and it was magical
The sad thing is; I'm getting used to walking around feeling like I could hurl at any minute.
We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy
Was your wine and cheese snap taken from the toilet?
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
Im gonna go for the gay guy. The ginger is freaking me out.
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
Randomize
