READY
for what?
TO HAVE SEXXXX
i think you have the wrong number
Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
Totally using formspring as an incognito way of making sure that girl from last night wasn't jailbait.
way to not show up for Habitat for Humanity, real classy...
I saved lives by not driving this morning
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
Let's say hypothetically if you were going to put icing on a penis and then lick it clean...what would you ice it with? Not a knife right?
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
I'm a lady. Ladies do NOT hump the floor.
You can call me ugly and you can call me fat,but don't you EVER say my meme game is weak.
I didn't have any choice but to cuddle you. Your hair was stuck on my nipple piercing.
Randomize
