I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
This is so fucking sad. Netherlands isn't even a real country.
do to the flooding of the park, there will be a midnight bikini mud wrestling party behind my dorm. all are welcome.
i can now proudly say that ive peed off of a balcony overlooking the pacific ocean AND a balcony overlooking the atlantic ocean
Holy christ fuck what has my trainwreck of a life come to just blew a 17 year old so help me god
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
You'll have to pretend I'm texting you with buddychecks.
Like the Jimeny Cricket of cockblocks.
Abby spilt her vodka all over the train's bathroom floor
WE'RE THE ONES DRESSED UP FOR THE LARGEST DRINKING HOLIDAY IN AMERICA WHO ELSE ON THIS TRAIN IS A SUSPECT FOR THIS SMELL?!
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
Nothing too major over here lately. Just had a date with an ex-internet porn star turned lawyer. He said: "at my 3rd burning man I taught a workshop on BDSM" and I knew it was going to be a fun night.
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
I got a snap of someone jumping off a light pole. Was that you? Please confirm or deny. #onWisconsin
just saw two mice fucking on our bed...i think its time to find a new place to live
This woman at the blackjack table is sitting on a pile of newspaper so she can pee at her seat and never miss a hand.
Randomize
