He left the bathroom door open so i would hear him masturbate in the shower to make me feel guilty for not putting out but it just turned me on cause i like guys masturbating. weird?
just fit an iguana in a condom...have pics
i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
he somehow instantly knew i was from vermont.
it probably had something to do with chasing your soco with maply syrup.
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Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
I wanna thank you for having such slutty friends growing up. Your a great little sister
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
he spent an hour trying to convince us that Ted Nugent is Kid Rock from the future. by the end of it i was very close to believing him.
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
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Just saw a couple chasing each other on lawn mowers. Oh South Knoxville.
You are the jesus of drinking
I just set up a proportion to calculate how much Jolly Rancher vodka I can make with the limited amount of Jolly Ranchers I have. Finally, real-life application of math.
He told me I was a good dog mom. I've never been so turned on in my life
I know its 2 in the morning and everything. But i just straight up yelled "DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND THIS WORLD IS DIFFICULT ENOUGH AS IT IS WITHOUT YOU PULLING THIS BULLSHIT ON ME" to my taco. Because it fell apart on me. I think i might be cracking under this finals pressure.
It was all like "my feathers evolved from scales of a reptile bitches!!" and I was all like "damn this chocolate milk is AWW SOOME!"
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