Yeah, we realized keeping you in a cage wasn't beneficial to us
I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
it wasn't sex, it was awkward naked time.
He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
Pretty sure that Albanian broad gave me something last night. Now we play the waiting game.
The little things make me happy. Little dicks do not.
every time you want to hook up with a guy who has a girl friend, i'll just give you a freshman
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
being pregnant is like rehab
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
She woke me up with an urgent call telling me she was rolling on Mollie and swimming in the ocean. I mean that's just great. If she drowns, I'll feel responsible.
She carried my bag of puke down the aisle and the flight attendant wouldn't move the beverage cart so she put the puke bag in the flight attendant's face and said "I have a bag of sickness!" I've never seen a cart move that fast.
I want to be your penis for a week.
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
Randomize
