Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud.
I'll make a Jello mold of your face so everyone can get drunk off your face
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
It took him 5 seconds to cum and then he wanted to hold my hand all night
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
tell her i changed her phone's unlock password to be the length of my fully erect penis in centimeters. I'll be in my room for the next two hours.
The world is a different place when I'm actually having sex
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
If anything I look like a soccor mom going out for her annual ladies night. Trying hard, but not quite in her twenty's anymore.
HE MIGHT HAVE YOUR BUTTHOLE, BUT HE CANT HAVE YOUR HEART. THATS MINE.
This night could easily degenerate into a drunken haze of strippers and gambling, but I need a support network.
I know you want to take a pregnancy test, but could you wait until Sunday so it doesn't ruin our weekend
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