So #1 way to come back last night and #2 wishbone and I broke into his house and i opened joey's door and u were both passed out and pantless.
WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
I hope mine doesn't look like that
I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
the girl in my class has a rolling backpack and just told it to stay. im too hungover for this.
Sorry about the voicemail last night, people in hostel thought getting the clap from cheating on me wasn't enough and you hearing a 6 foot 5 Swedish dude bang the shit out of me was needed.
I was very proud of myself that day. I had an awesome time. I don't care if I negatively impacted others.
Ok. Here's the plan. Take your hand (whichever is closest), summon all your nerve, and just stick it right down his pants.
I love you.
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
I made that picture of you my lock screen. So I've just been standing around at work licking my phone all day.
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
Idk she didn't seem that weird to me but I had just eaten an entire tray of jello infused with liquor so I could be wrong...
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
Randomize
