Only a mothe r could love this liver
I'd be more interested in girls if they were more interested in anal.
dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
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I figured out why I insisted on leaving my sweater on the ground outside. I smelled it and I'm 97% sure I peed on it last night
No. I'm just saying it shows no signs of stopping. My dad was a man-whore well into his 50s.
Unless you've also woken up wearing a poncho and a ring pop, I suggest you don't judge me. Okay, I even judged myself for that.
the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
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I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
You and your vagina are hellbent on selfdestruction and bad decisions
Dude...can we put that on a tshirt? I will totally sport that shit.
So I just had breakfast and then sex in a parking garage before he went to school and thus I am loving my life
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
sex on acid sucks though, i want to connect with the universe not your dick.
I remember being like "I can't hold both of you guy's hair back!" so I put headbands on each of you