Just saw a girl i'm pretty sure is simultaneously jailbait and a milf. I never want to leave mexico.
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
Being thankful with your family is one thing. Being thankful with your friends while getting drunk and smoking bowls while eating leftovers, priceless.
theres pictures of him knuckle deep in her, both of them thumbs up and cheesin. someone should take her kid away
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
yeah its nbd she just bit me in the face. be there soon
Guys with integrity exist just to rain on my slut parade.
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
What is soo wrong about a house of half-naked people hugging each other and laughing?
The pinata full of drugs?
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
I was fed cake in bed and then was pinned down and ridden till I came. And then fed more cake. I'm going to marry Brad. I'll put money on it.
I went to an 8am hookup in another guys sweatpants. Who is the really player here?
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
Ya know what's the worst? Being drunk and wanting to show someone a picture of your goddaughter but not wanting to open the pictures on your phone because the first one is of someone's dick..