I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So as your former husband, I get to give you away at the wedding right?
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor.
I left after my shirt got dropped in the toilet thinking that there was absolutely no good that could happen the rest of the evening. I hear I was very wrong.
i have an important question...can you drink in jail?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is the Chairman of the College Republicans throwing upon your toilet right now? 'Murica!
I wound up gambling on giant connect four with the bartender. I think he saw my boobs.
Will keep you updated on the sexual orientation of my new guy
Is that your mom climbing in your window dude
I seriously just forgot to push down the toaster twice in a row \n\nSo I've been waiting 8 minutes for toaster strudels that I haven't even started... Too high
Southwest doesn't have zingzang bloody Mary mix. I'm gonna file a complaint with the FAA
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