It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
Struggs. It's also 90 degrees out but I'm not sure I can feel heat or cold any more. Too hungover.
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
It's official drugs can't kill me
I don't know what he did to me, but he did it wrong. I think my pelvis is broken. I cant even drive without it hurting. What. The. Fuck.
Who is Katie and why do we have her birthday cake?
"drunk introduce yourself to everyone colleen" came out last night... you kept grabbing guys faces that you just met and just kept saying their names over and over and over again so you wouldn't forget.. then would see them 5 minutes later to introduce yourself again..
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
it's a shower with the lights off kind of day
Randomize
