I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
I'm just trying to think of how much money Little Debbie would make if pot was legalized.
We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
And there are taco shells on the ceiling fan
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
They seemed upset when they walked out and saw a penis in a mouth
tried to out drink an american air force weapons loader. never again
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
seriously though if NH has the largest penis size... the rest of America must be very disappointed.
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
RESPOND QUICKLY THIS IS AN EMERGENCY!!! LITERALLY AN 11 INCH DICK!!!!! HELP.
Randomize
