I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
Well I'm just gonna sit here naked in this chair and whatever happens happens
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
Honestly I will go to church for him, I will even try to quit smoking for him. But his dick is not worth losing alcohol. He sure as fuck isn't taking away our wine nights.
Everyone else in class agrees the weed smell is coming from me
Trust me. Drunk Scrabble is not a good idea. Arguments over the legitimacy of the word "Pickle" break out, things are said, friendships are ruined. It's ugly.
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
It would have been nice to break the dry spell with nice, civilized, sober sex somewhere other than on my friend's couch.
It's like she fell out of an MTV reality show and no one knows how to send her back
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
SHE MASTURBATED TO THE THOUGHT OF ME HAVING AN ALL DUDE THREESOME WITH HER EX BOYFRIENDS.
how is it I left wearing underwear then ended up with none? and why is it they are on you?
Omg. I'm living macklemores best life. I have someone's granddads dog, I'm about to have someone's grandmas car. I look incredible.
Randomize
