if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
this will be a night to untag.
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
Should I tell him the real reason I was in the hospital, or should I just keep him thinking the side effect he thought was in for was allergy related, not I just miscarried the child I didn't know we were having?
Hahahaaa There's this one girl crying hysterically and wrapped around (i believe) her ex's leg. He's trying to shake her off without spilling his beer. This is fucking priceless.
What people don't tell you about near death experiences is they give you a full on chub
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
It's Been clinically proven that people who have sex 6 or more times per week are happier than those who don't. Just and FYI. For your mental health. From a soon so be psychologist. Who is drunk.
Have you considered sword swallowing? Something about that bj tells me you could make a it a career.
Thank god I work in a lab. This pinkeye is out of control and my safety glasses are the only thing stopping me from digging at my eye with a pen
Scientific fact: if he makes a face like a demonic dog when he's fucking you, makes it easier to fuck without feelings.
I dont even know what happened i just remember waking up with beer cans outlining my body...
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
Randomize
