We are not turning the camelbak into a beer bong
it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
Chris threw beer can at guy. Guy ended up being a fighter. Chris got his eye socket broke. Fighter got hand re-broke. Chris is passed out. Fighter is in kellys bed. everybody won last night. I think.
So if I tell her fire is hot and it will burn her... she's probably just going to keep throwing her vagina at it huh?
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
His dick is pure magic - dark, powerful, beautiful magic. It's the Elder Wand of penises
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
I have bruises everywhere an I broke the lamp. So ya I'd considerate rough sex.
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