On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
I think she would actually eat a penis if anyone was brave enough to let one near her mouth
well you can't waste a boner
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
that beer fried lasagna last night was sooo good
that wasnt beer fried lasagna, you just poured beer on my lasagna
Also I'm very proud of th fact that I walked my dog before bed. Drunk dog walking should be an Olympic sport; it takes SKILLS.
She stumbled into class and Google image searched nipple piercings for the entire 75 minutes
This doesn't mean I'm going to attempt to find happiness with smooshy dick
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
One of my favorite March activities is cropdusting people while wearing a kilt.
Who the fuck is "nick from the beach last year"
No idea hahaha...why?
He just texted me.. Should I ask where I met him?
This is a test message to see whether or not the recipient is alive.
So her ex boyfriend came up a lot in conversation while I was fucking her. Is that weird?
Who the fuck has a conversation during sex?
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