I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
you missed kickoff and the first round of bodyshots. I suggest you get here now.
There r osticjed everywhere
Not only is it unacceptable to be bar hopping alone at 5 o'clock. It is definitely unacceptable to do so with a lobster
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
I don't care if he was in that porno. He looked like he knew what he was doing.
When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
new costume idea. paint swatches and a ball gag... I'll be 50 shades of grey.
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
My sister just showed me a snap chat that I don't remember sending, it was a picture of me with two big macs in my bra with just the words "BURGER TITS"
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
Randomize
