They're donating plasma together for extra money. Couple of the fucking century.
defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
it was really awkward..i thought he had two dicks, but later realized it was jsut his roommate
I can't believe I am actually paying for a night in a hotel for my parents so I can throw a party the night before Christmas Eve. I also can't believe they think it's their Christmas present.
I wish we couldve been like jesus and the desiples tongith
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
Just stop talking to douche bags. How do you manage to attract every asshole within a 100 mile radius?
If i could answer that i wouldn't be so afraid to move to a more populated area
Thats the last time im "arresting" you to get out of paying your bar tab.
What?! The only reason I married your sister is to have a Cop in the family!
Check the mailbox while you're out!
I already looked this morning. You go check and see what you won on Ebay after your day drinking spree.
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
I'm a bit offended I got no nudies back but it's whatever
They're in the mail. Snapchats too fast. I want the suspense.
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
Left Las Vegas at 2:30 am, woke up at 11 AM at a Barstow gas station with the Valet from Ceaser' palace snoring in the backseat and no memory of how we got there. I felt like Raoul Fucjing Duke right then and there.
Randomize
