You watched "From Justin to Kelly" and sang along to more than half of the songs. I didn't know whether to laugh or to be insanely frightened that you knew almost all the lyrics.
These 5 days benders will be the death of me. Just living and breathing is a struggle right now.
I've had cake for breakfast the past 3 days. You tell me how bikini season is going.
She bit a glass in half.
Don't be alarmed at the girl laying on your bathroom floor.
Well, love is in the air. And by that I mean: it seriously smells like sex in here.
It's ok. Rob's just shotgunning upside down.
So I am guessing last night was a success we are all accounted for and only 3 of us have hospital bracelets on
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
I'm basically a mama hen. I keep them warm and let them wonder around the house. not to mention, I keep eye on them just in case the falcons around the house try to snatch them away.
I don't even know what to say right now
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
I buy a new bowl every time I get a new guy. It's retail therapy.
We were in the uber and you were crying because you wanted to be an Olympic gymnast. The driver tried to console you and you just cried harder
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
Going on a coke binge the night before your appointment with your therapist (to talk about your sex addiction) is prob not the best idea.
Randomize
