What can I say...he's packing some serious heat down there. You wouldn't expect that looking at him, huh?
I guess God knew he was going to be bald...
I keep finding coffee grounds in my vagina
I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
I ended up with a gash in my head from drunken dancing last night. I love life.
Hm, finding a time when my drinking and your real life don't conflict could be difficult
I literally just wiped coffee off of the corner of my mouth with my boob because my hands were full. Thought youd be proud. Good morning!
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
I hat to flip my "days since last bad decision" chart back to zero. So...yeah. Sigh.
Almost to my house to grab beer. And pants.
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Don't be alarmed by all the Dick cakes in the fridge. But please don't eat..i accidentally broke one in half you guys can eat that one. Its labeled free Dick
WHERE THE FUCK IS MY ARM DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW DIFFICULT IS IS TO TYPE WITH ONE HAND
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
Randomize
