If you want to dance with a less than stellar Asian chick, I have just the girl for you.
we were making out and he got up to change his pants. I wonder what would happen if i took my shirt off.
don't leave me alone with all the disney princess sluts
Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
I blew him and did charles barkley impressions at the same time. what a pro
It was his birthday this weekend. I had to carry him 6 blocks, in 3 inch heels. The entire time he was trying to molest me, eat my face, and try to stop every two feet to tie his shoe. He would light a cigarette, forget about it, almost burn everyone, throw it out, then decide he wanted to smoke. He kept repeating that he trusts me with his life.
...Wow...
I could be a kindergarten teacher
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
How have you never felt a dick as hard as mine?
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
Ur here to start shit and I'm here to light that shit on fire
I didn't even get crazy off of the coke so everything's fine. Also, I think I might have killed my aunt's dog..
Straight up just cock blocked my dad. Also this apple sauce is good.
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