About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
sorry about calling you the devil all night.
There are no words to adequately express my gratitude for sending me porn you found staring a former classmate.
the only thing coherent you said from what i saw of you is when you were throwing up, i asked if you were done and you just "uh huh you know what it is"
That's cool, I just have to let the dogs out AND SO HELP ME GOD IF YOU TEXT ME BAHA MEN LYRICS WE ARE NOT FRIENDS.
I will never in my life forget you letting the cat lick your tongue
bad news.. campus security walked me home last night and when i tried to tell them where i lived they assured me they knew where our house was.
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
He pulled a kid having a seizure out of a car and stayed with him until the ambulance came.
he what???
Not kidding. My ovaries cannot handle this shit...swear next time he'll rescue a bunch of pound puppies and hand them out to lonely orphans.
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
It looks like a baby bear tried to chew off my nipples.
He was semi blacked out in the hallway with a bucket, calling for me while I had sex with his best friend in the very next room. Why do you let me do these things?
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
Randomize
