There's a show on bravo about fat people dancing. FAT PEOPLE. DANCING.
This is god's gift to the unemployed.
Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
Pretty sure I just became the first person ever to use the word "boner" in a wedding card...
Somehow she slept thru the vacuuming, people walking in and out, and the sound of constant beer bottles hitting the trash, but when someone said weed in a regular volume of voice she startled awake.
He wouldn't let me go down on him. He stopped me and told me he was a giver.
ur roommate just sent me a pic of us fucking. i'm not coming over anymore.
In between when I last wrote and now have screwed a Swiss guy on a hostel bathroom floor. Okay, real life?
your love of good penises attached to ugly faces is disgusting and slightly disturbing.
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
Randomize
