You couldn't hold yourhead up but you managed to unzip my zipper. That's skill..
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
The liquor store manager told us to drink responsible as we checked out and we laughed to his face. Like we're buying karkov at noon, responsibility is out of the question
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
I whispered "you're doing a great Job" when he was fucking me. Then high fived him.
It isn't possible and the very mindfuck of that concept gives me a lady boner.
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
I forgot that I'm high because of how high I am.
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
Heard about your divorce. Let me know if I can do anything for you or your penis ;-)
Randomize
