What I lack in compassion I make up for in lack of compassion
So at this point...I'm sure you heard the story about Saturday night
So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
Either way you look at it, I'm a slut. But either way I look at it, I'm having a fucking blast.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
Hey, can you come over and kill me real quick
i was staring at her drunk thinking "shes at least a four"
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
WHY DIDN'T YOU INVITE ME TO RUN THROUGH TACO BELL'S SPRINKLERS AT 4AM?!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
All I've succeeded in doing since I saw you is drool on my shoulder
He drives a PT Cruiser.... that should have been my first clue.
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
my downstairs neighbor came by to say he’s having a huge loud party tomorrow, handed me a toblerone bar, and said thank you in advance for your understanding
We had a pink drink in honor of my underwear and apparently I made out with our bartender... a few times
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