Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
Nailed a drunk college girl before the CU game Saturday, and a drunk married woman after the Broncos game Sunday.
Some perfection is debatable.
I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
She washed her feet in the sink at white castle. I want this girl in my life.
the guy in the stall next to me, came in, farted, laughed, and proceeded to give himself some sort of hillbilly pep talk that included the phrase "big pussy".
I'm really hoping to find some quality strange ass tonight while at my court appearance.
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
There were grown college boys running around north campus in capes with nerf guns. If security were to be called I think they would just give them more beer.
Ran into his sister at the gym and hit it in the parking lot. I dont even feel like a bad friend she got a boob job and lost 20 lbs its not even the same sister
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
Randomize
