I think even Ryan Seacrest is disgusted with the thought of Ryan Seacrest getting some.
New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
he just chased his shot of tequila with a chicken nugget.. either its a canadian thing or hes wasted
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
We all just did coke and we're coloring so if you're sober its pointless for you to come over here
I was able to hide the fact that I had just shit in my pants, and then wupped her ass at FIFA
Also, yes, I look pretty rough. But my ovaries fought back this morning so getting dressed decently was not a priority.
I'm just opting for alcohol abuse, ramen and cuddling with my dog for now.
My penis is saying yes, several less important organs are saying noo...
He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
For not being a nurse or a sex worker I have seen an alarming amount of penises.
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
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