There is literally a guy in my class with a gallon of water and a trophy.
I had no where to run... The dumpster sounded like a good idea at the time
I wonder if they'd let me siphon the gas out my car before they impound it
my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
Apparently I told a girl last night, that's she's super beautiful and I don't want to fuck she just deserves being eaten out
That's right. I did.
You are the saddest 25 year old gay man I've ever had the displeasure of knowing.
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
I'm going to get old and fat one day... probably pretty soon and I'm not going to have any pictures to show to my cats of what I once looked like.
Do you think they'll deliver pizza to my mouth
I made out with a guy so that I could get ahead in the bathroom line, totally acceptable
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
That jawline could fucking have its way with me.
Probably not. Getting pulled over and puking my guts out on the side of the road in front of the cop and him making fun of me, was not my finest moment. Plus I lost my debit card.
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