I can tuck mytits in my pants
i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
I'd give my left nut to see you
don't do that. I like the set
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
Apparently my type is "guy whose parents had unprotected sex on Halloween". Last week was my ex's, my FWB's, and the guy I'm seeing's birthdays.
I don't know what to be prouder of: the fact that last night i was able to successfully find my way home from evanston with 3-d glasses on, or that i was able to make my way around my house in the dark with my pants around my ankles
he asked me to lick his asshole and I told him his girlfriend could do that for him
So your best guy friend eats your pussy once and a while, no big deal. It's like going to jiffy lube once and a while to let the professionals do it. Your husband should understand .
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
I put on a face mask and masturbated for an hour... my face now has a green tint
Randomize
