ok now this is the second time he's reffered to recieving a blow job as 'getting his pee pee sucked'
I told my ex i loved him and then he sent me a picture of this girl laying on his bed.
Just showed mom and dad the pics from San Francisco, while i played the Full House theme song in the background.
The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
It's totally ok to sleep with him. The only place I have feelings for him is in my vagina.
If you wake up soonish don't worry. I took your dog to burger king and now we're going to see some nice girls.
Someone fucked up, the stop Kony day is on 4/20,
So, I'm tripsitting Ruben cause he's on LSD, and he's starting to eat the chair because 'it is evil' according to him... I can't choose: should I stop him or film it?
Its funny that for once I get home and I'm just as high as my parents are.
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
Is it inappropriate to match with someone on tinder just to ask if the friend in his profile picture is single?
If I make it through this whole bridesmaid process without anyone knowing that I actually hate everyone but the bride, including the groom, I deserve a complimentary bottle of vodka.
Randomize
