its like an ocean threw up right in your lap
A friday without alcohol is hardly a friday at all
so we have officially lost him as of 7 hours ago.. already called campus security, the drunk tank and the hospital. figure he'll turn up eventually..
i'll start checking the bushes on campus.
her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
...that's why he's not doing anything with his life except breeding geckos
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
Oh, and i love you too. Im just a selfish dick who had to talk about myself first
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
Just copped mushrooms from a dude in a business suit. U comin or what?
Oooo. Can we pretend to be Amanda Bynes?
She bought wigs like Disney princesses. I want to be her.
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
I was too lazy to get my chapstick out of my purse so i lubed up my lips with pizza grease. On a scale of 1-10 how embarassed should i be?
Lesson Learned: It's not a party until someone pisses their pants.
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