just by requesting 'I think we're alone now', not only did you achieve emptying the bar, but you also rubbed it in the owners face.
i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
he pointed at my clit and asked with a confused face, 'whats this thingy??"
i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
I just randomly started counting the number of guys that I've hooked up with that are now gay. 11.
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
I just got back to our room ....neither of us spent the night there but both our beds are occupied. send help.
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
So I had sex in the woods today. Anything else that happened today? Irrelevant. It was a GOOD day.
I wonder if my sister will drive me around while I do bong hits in the back seat..
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
Randomize
