One of her kids, Dakota I think, got stuck in a ceiling fan and she had a fit, thats when she found the penis hat.
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
the higher we get, the more he looks like ray charles.
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
I was crying hysterically and you wouldn't stop petting my ear and shushing me every time I tried to say something.
We left the knife in your bed.
I will blow you tomorrow if you bring me food tonight. Like a payment plan
I bet your mom's never met a girl who's thrown up at the presidential inauguration before though.
just call my name and ill be there, if we are puking, beating up bitches, or pickin up men, OR avoiding wierd men, so many situations require a wingman
Don't be upset because I bitch slapped you with intelligence
FYI telling a guy that you're glad his dick isn't big after giving him a bj, is NOT a compliment.
We have sober sex! It's a real relationship.
Well, you started screaming "I dont know you GO AWAY" to your mom when she was holding your hair as you threw up in her garden.
I got a pots and pans set and a vibrator. Merry Crisis.
Randomize
