when i told him i was pregnant with his baby he texted me 'congradulations'
i pity the fetus.
how ive managed to spend 100$ at an open bar is beyond me.
A friday night jus isn't the same if the cops don't raid my dorm
Yes, that was me on the jumbo tron. No, i don't know why i was hiding.
Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink.
Yes. Amanda is the only option and I want cake so I can sacrifice my vagina.
No shame December is a go.
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
Would jacking off with Benadryl cream be good or bad for the poison oak on my dick?
Maybe I can find a straight girl rehab camp, like the opposite of those degaying camps, where they teach me how to love the ladies instead
Omg. I would pay ALL OF THE MONEY for that camp.
Sean slept in the bushes beside my house again. Any reason he kept screaming/slurring 'it was all a bunch of goddamn lies' through out the night?
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
He better be a good lay, these underwear cost $50.
My parents get here at 6 so I have to make it look like a sober virgin lives in my room by 5.
Randomize
