and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
i told you the emergency thong was a good idea.
I think the best part was when you jumped over me naked.
Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
After we drank 3, we built a raft out of the empties and installed the fourth submerged In the water to keep it cool. Keg boats are now a thing
The bottle of Jameson may have been a bit aggressive for a Sunday cookout.
Went home last night with a guy in a tutu, didn't know he was wearing a tutu until he threw it at me in the bedroom. God I love Halloween.
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
Fall is here I will miss walking downtown in nothing but paint and pasties
Is it inappropriate to match with someone on tinder just to ask if the friend in his profile picture is single?
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
You have to commit to sexting. You can't just quit right after I send you pictures of my asshole.
Seriously, come on.
I feel like there's a picture of my ass on the internet right now.
I hate you.
Isn't it funny how we're still best friends after that incident with the old lady in the bathroom
You fucking bailed on me. But I love you still
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
Randomize
