where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
it's like there's an entire ecosystem in your vagina.
i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
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You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
My STD test came back clean. I'd like to thank all the guys I've slept with, they made this possible. I want to say thanks to all my friends, for believing in me living up to the full slut potential. And last but not least, I'd like to thank alcohol. I wouldn't be who I am today w/out you. I feel like I need to frame this...
apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
NExt question... Do i wanna sleep under my palm tree
YES.
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
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It's fucking New Year's. I can be soberish in 2013 after tonight. It's like the 30 years of grey area between Jesus' birth and death.
Don't pretend you don't want to dance on the edge of overdose all three nights
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
As your friend, who loves and cares for you, I have to be honest. I am judging you so VERY hard right now. Sorry.
please don't forget about the bread in the toilet i am absolutely not dealing with that
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
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