There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
I must say, I don't like the act of throwing up, but the feeling after is quite delightful
Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
I didnt shave my beard last night, so I could feel it while Im shrooming today
Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
just threw up on my speech test, so much for a great semester
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
Definitely worth waiting her kid to got to sleep when the first thing you hear once she's back is "I want you in my ass right now"
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
Smoking a bowl in nothing but a flamingo thong.
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
Dilemma. I'm out of wine and I can't put on clothes to go to the liquor store bc I just got spray tanned. If this isnt white girl problems I don't know what is.
Randomize
