She does have a great personality.
Yeah, in her vagina.
We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
The guy in the next stall screamed courtesy flush and then puked. Bless you Vegas
she's lying on the floor with a bottle of vodka, belting shakira. plz advise.
the outcome of this sandwich determines whether or not i do anything else with my day..
I just got a msg from someone saved in my phone as "gouiys stAndingg nezxt me not oz". Omh my life.
I think he offered to cook me dinner or cook me for dinner. Not really sure. Just smiled and nodded.
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute.
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
my paper on vitamins just turned into a 2 hour tangent google search on what i should buy to best cure a hangover. I need to stop getting high before homework
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
Just want the two of you to know, I went to a golf tournament today. Respectable, expensive… Flipped the golf cart. Seriously, I'm 40. What the fuck?
No one needs to know about the barren wasteland that is my vag. Sometimes i visualize my cervix rocking back and forth wondering where everybody went.
I just pictured that. It's reading a book.
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
Randomize
