I have nothing to say, just wanted ur phone to vibrate
Laziness has reached now heights if you too unmotivated to buy pot
Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
Make good choices ;) This is your automated cockblock message
making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
Qdoba locked their bathrooms last night.. I suppose so people didn't pee all over them? I considered it counter productive considering I just peed on the outside of their building then. I had to pee
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
So you let the Viking explore your nether regions?
Giant stained glass jesus is judging my black pleather pants
It was like mission impossible.
but with sex.
My hands smell like vagina and ham.
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
Randomize
