what do kids with lesbian moms do for father's day? like do you talk about it? is it awkward? do you get the butchy mom a card?
She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
Yeah, my mom walked in on us. Instead of yelling, she went and hid in the bathroom til we finished. It was pretty classy.
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
I'm pretty sure that I'm earning a horrible reputation with your friends, but I'm having a fucking great time in the process.
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
Every time he asks me if I'm horny I'm just like come on...stupid question
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
Have you ever been so high that you felt like corduroy? I'm at that level.
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?
I knocked over his glass and he yelled "Oh no the boxed wine!" and slurped it off the coffee table. Then he showed me how to mix maple syrup, Jameson, and coffee. My family is better than your family.
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat
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