Amandyke just told me shes gonna make my tongue her cum rag. i'm borderline terrified
Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
she was throwing up and singing "I HAD a feeling that tonight was going to be a good good night." And yeah she was still in her dress.
so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
She's dressed as Musafa. How could this not be a good idea?
Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
she just threw a smoke bomb in an elevator and ran down 9 flights of stairs to see it at the bottom.
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
Okay throwing up in my mouth a little = time to go home
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
Did your surprise acid trip turn out well?
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
You told me you could hear my heartbeat through my penis but your methods were unethical.
Sixty five beats a minute. I stand by that.
Randomize
