well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
I have too much pride to pick his chest hair out of my mouth again
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
Found half of a five day old piece of pizza behind my dresser. Apparently it was drunkenly set there and got knocked down. It was such a happy reminder of last weekend.
I found a cheeseburger next to my tub once. It's there to shame you, but it always just makes me feel more awesome.
I NEED TO GET TO THE PLAYGROUND. I JUST NEED TO SWING. IF I SWING MAYBE THE SMELL WILL COME OFF OF ME. I NEED TO SWING
I'm stealing this baby.
Well I always support illegal activity but where would you put it?
Everything smells like vodka and bologna. WHAT DID YOU DO?
who's job is it to make sure we don't run out of tp since the incident of 09'... Thats right you go get some
i remember going to sleep after the 4th time i threw up this morning and hoping i didn't have to again because then it would be uneven between saturday and sunday. my ocd is getting out of control
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
2015 is a year for health and mental stability and alas we are not yet there so yolo
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
Of course he did! You’ve seen my tits, you know he didn’t stand a chance!
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