i had just passed the point of no return when my mom opened my door. I hid my dick and took the porn off the computer in time but i still had to explain my day at school to her WHILE i was jizzing in my pants.
An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
Had a speaker in class today. She asked whats the first question when you see someone pregnant. I said whos the father? She was looking for "is it a boy or a girl?"
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
These 25 People Are Obsessed With Pizza
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
I suppose I should wish you a happy one year of bumping uglies
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
i'm pretty sure i can feel a baby kicking just looking at him. if he didnt impregnate you, you officially have an iron-clad uterus.
16 Sexual Experiences EVERYONE Should Have At Least Once
Prop 8 repealed and I FINALLY got my period. Good day for America!!!
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
I just almost puked & then I panicked and forced it back down because I thought I would be a waste of the apple turnover I ate.. I'm that hungover
Omg I can't even...
You brought string cheese to the strip club
Honestly who turns down a free blowjob?