Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
Nailed a drunk college girl before the CU game Saturday, and a drunk married woman after the Broncos game Sunday.
Some perfection is debatable.
It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
Dude, didn't you know? Its balls out wednesday.
I cried and ate like 6 tacos in the taco bell parking lot at almost midnight, sober, alone, listening to a demi lavato cd. And that was the good part.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
Who the fuck is "nick from the beach last year"
No idea hahaha...why?
He just texted me.. Should I ask where I met him?
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
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