Yo I'm just eating dinner now. U ready to go out?
Ya ya. Where you eating?
Cereal and beer. U kno u want in.
She is in my trunk
Do you feel like you missed out a little from not getting crabs in college?
Dude has a bag of wine attached to his belt. These guys don't fuck around.
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I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
he locked me out then poked me with a fork when i tried to get in through the window
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
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I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
I think I'm getting sponsored by the Mexican Drug Cartel for the start of my poker career. It was an interesting night at the bar. One word, Vegas.
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
He was going down on me and all I could think about was how proud of me you'd be
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.