Just saw a car with license plate GYPSYS that was full of gypsies
apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
He insisted on sleeping in my bed. Had he taken all of my obvious hints I would have sucked his dick. He only wanted to snuggle. My world has been turned upside down.
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
You've got more to offer than just money. Come on. You have an awesome rack.
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
Got it in all night, now at a bar at 730 am and we are the only two people here. Somewhere my mid twenties father is applauding me.
this night just went from meh to biblical thanks to drunk naked yahtzee
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
is that a sigh of girlish delight, or "sigh...I'm having a herpes outbreak'
Can't it be both?
We need a shit load of segways right now
I'm proud of you for choosing to be an organ donor on your fake!!
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
Wanna have a sleepover and take me to court in the morning?
How many times do I have to tell you I'm not bisexual.
.....unless there is alcohol involved