Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
He made sure to throw up on the Mexico side of the border while we were in line at the check point. Then finished by screaming you an have it back. You can have it all back.
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
Finishing last nights 1.5L of wine and beef jerky for breakfast. Work looms, ever the prickly bitch.
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
Id fuck him but only at his house and he had to stay im bed till i left. He only works upper body. It just creeps me out how tiny his legs are
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
I want to get "Patrick Kane" wasted tonight
I am one hundred percent down for that
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
I gave him head while despicable me 2 played in the background. I think I disappointed the minions
There it is. Caramel-coated dick. Someone is getting a yeast infection later.