can't wait for January to be Over so I don't have to see all the fat resolutionists working out.
Sorry for talking about super scientific shit so much last night, I know it bugs you sometimes when I don't shut up.
What? You sat on the couch for a solid 2 hours staring at your fingerprints and the only word that came out of your mouth was "how"
The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
Why is everyone else growing up when I'm just crying, eating, and having pregnancy scares?
Cute boy and deffffff wearing a HS shirt. I am getting too old to be inaccurate.
Just cried watching Wimbledon, worst comedown ever.
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.
I don't get promposals. When I asked my date I was so drunk I couldn't lift my head. Then I puked on my lawn after he said "ok whatever". That's romance
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
I woke up on the couch screaming in pain. I don't know how ended up there or why my foot was double the size. all I know is I'm now in a cast and never drinking tequila again. worst hangover ever.
Told a guy at the bar I was hurricane evacuees with no place to stay. Just woke up at his place. God bless Florence
You guys do the cocaine and I'll do the dishes.
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
Randomize
