My booty call said shes done doing the walk of shame. Wtf is that?
It's what anyone that sleeps with you, specifically, does when they leave. Some do it even when they just think of you.
From behind she looks like Richard Simmons
Five Mah tais Laser and i skill have not drunk dial you
My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
Just got blown on the bus in front of abot 20 ppl. Lots of high fives.
I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again.
I'm pretty sure whiskey overrules bulimia in the eyes of Texas boys
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
Thanks to her sunglasses tan, I can't look at her when she blows me cause it's like getting blown by a raccoon. A very talented raccoon
I'll make a Jello mold of your face so everyone can get drunk off your face
I don't really know how to say this, but I have an oven mitt to return to you tomorrow..
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
When he pulled out it sounded like a balloon deflating
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