I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
this is no time to have dignity 4/20 is coming
"Hung over, tired and having a faint scent of some body butter and random pieces of glitter from a girl named gigi, almost arrested in drug bust, $40 Canadian in my pocket and all i got was this lousy Tshirt" shirts dont exist, but they need to
it was such a weird mix, KFC and penis
his extensive knowledge of the age of consent laws kinda scares me....
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
The good news is the house is clean, the bad news is someone redecorated the bonus room by spray painting "free willy" on the wall in honor of the girl who passed out in there last night.
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
The only thing I remember is vomiting and then feeding my dog a Mcdonalds cheeseburger and telling him yolo
Nothing like coaching 5 year olds with a bunch of visible bruises from last night's drunk bondage sex.
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
Sitting in the car eating a bagel. Watching a guy do tai chi in the parking lot. My morning is fabulous
well you're talking to a woman who had glorious sex less than 24 hrs ago so my opinion is biased.
I'm on a walk of shame carrying YOUR pants. You owe me.
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