The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
You know you're wathing too much reality TV when you start adding commentary to every day life.
I reached in my backpack to pull out my laptop. I found my bottle of Jack and 2 bottles of Coke. It's going to be a good class.
Just met a girl...She is complaining why on facebook you can't have more then one "open relationship"
I dont know how i feel about her from a moral standpoint...
Clearly, I'm already going to hell, so there's no point in trying anymore.
Walk of Shame today included voting.
Im going home to examine my vagina with a hand mirror. wish me luck.
Security said no more parties of this kind. To me that translates to Theme party this weekend.
The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
Believe it or not I'm actually not the only person sitting in the back of the train covered in glitter and drinking whiskey out of an arizona iced tea can. Small world.
Just headbutted a photographer. This convention just got really interesting.
What's his name?? He crossfits 6 times a week, works in finance & is into the occasional felony class drug. His name is irrelevant in order to know if I wanna bone him again.
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
Thanks for ruining my life with your man penis
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