i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
you mean i was at the winter classic?
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
Oddly enough when I decided to stop whoreing myself out... I lost most of my companionship.
please dont make me drink to the titanic soundtrack
Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
Do you think that my Facebook profile picture kinda look like im being raped by a 10 foot polar bear ?
Dude. I'm super jealous I'm not there. Plus I look really pretty tonight, I'm wearing my long blue dress, I have long blonde hair, and I'm just sitting here hitting Larry the Long Bong. I'll pretend like your 3 spirits are floating in my smoke. Fuck.
I just hope when I turn 21, it doesn't tank my entire semester.
Please collect your boy friend. He semi-passed out on the couch and trying to grab bums as people walk by. Anyone's bum, he's not choosy.
It looks like a baby bear tried to chew off my nipples.
I cut him off because he was changing my thermostat every time he came over
You made the right decision
One of my tenants at my fourplex that I own gave me a massive bag of severely dank pot and a brick of cocaine because she didn't have the cash to pay the rent. She might just be my favorite tenant!
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