definition of desperate: He gave me his SC drivers license so i wouldn't forget to facebook him.
he was sobbing,drinking his beer, all while confessing his love for her. awkward was an understatement...
Yeah, I just met her and we got arrested together. I think it was a good bonding experience.
At least they aren't charging us for the broken diving board...
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
well in DOG beers, i've only had one
#1 RULE OF DRINKING: DELETE YOUR EX'S NUMBER FROM YOUR PHONE
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
I DID MY EXPERIMENTING. FOUR YEARS OF IT. IN HIGH SCHOOL.
Would love to dress up in respectable attire and take you out somewhere nice and then do disgusting crude things in public
I'm rolling and just noticed that the thread count on these sheets is horrendous.
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
Randomize
