I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
The iPhone is ruining my ability to sex message. My 5-year-old cousin just picked up my phone at my grandmas birthday party and read "I wanna stand you up and fuck you from behind" to my entire extended family bc of popped up on my screen
no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
It wasn't random sex though, it was almost a relationship, built on lies and sex
He is making me drink his THC water out of a milk jug.
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
It is very possible that having sex with you just now just got me into Yale
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
That's it. I'm moving to LA & sitting on his face.
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
Randomize
