Why is it that every time I type the word "give" my phone spells out HIV?! You know how many people i've told I want to HIV them something!
I have had it with that bitchy sack of crazy. Iam done!
hiding in a bush to avoid a seven dollar cab ride. cabby got out a flashlight and looked for us for like an hour. help.
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
Apparently, I showed up wrapped in caution tape and immediately jumped on the stripper pole and started making very sexual gestures at the birthday girl. We lasted ten minutes.
On a scale of your daily life to smuggling crack into the DR, how illegal is it?
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
I was ashamed to still be in my green tank this morning, but there's a guy here in full on bright green pants and a green blazer. He looks like the lucky charms guy stretched out at drunker than usual. Now, I fade into the background.
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
It's all good, I've hated people for lesser reasons than being my ex boyfriend's favorite pro athlete of all time
And it's settled. 10 months is the appropriate amount of time before having the dick pic discussion.
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
i pushed adam in a shopping cart for 15 blocks, then we realized we left tyler downtown
did you go back and get him?
nah we went to a karaoke bar instead, so worth it
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
My drug dealer just told me goodnight...I still don't know his name. But I guess you can say we've moved to the next step.
Randomize
