So she comes up to me at the end of the night and asks me if I going to take her home and fuck her. I pretty much had to right?
you had an obligation.
turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
I'm doing homework tonight but if you end up going out drinking I would like one courtesy peer pressure text.
Any man who has a face like that and a bike, deserves a vagina like yours permanently.
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
He has a bed frame and a headboard.... That match his dresser and nightstand...
Hahah. That's good.
I feel like you don't understand the severity with which this weirds me out...
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
Teach me the ways of your demonic sorcery.
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
Randomize
