just walked out of chelsea's house and saw cameron slapping his dick against her car. cant even make this shit up if i tried.
So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
Shared a jello shot with her mom last night. then she tucked me in and took of my shoes for me
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
Not sure. All I know is that she has a tight dark green skirt and I will not rest until I have used my teeth to rip it off of her
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
Yup on the verge of buzzed and drunk. I managed to make my way into my cat's box house to fall asleep. I'm comfortable
I just got nudes while talking in the third person. Not sure if I Should be proud or ashamed.
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
Just sold our expired ticket for a free night of bowling to a drunk guy downtown for 50 bucks. Ill buy beer on my way home
You think that was bad? One time my parents found my sister half naked on top of the four runner in the garage. She makes me look like the good child.
There's nothing like a guy talking about your vagina as if it's delicious food to make your day better.
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