now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
I gurantee you I'll be the only one dressed as a giraffe.
Ill trade u your bra for a run to the liquor store...
I think that the winner of this years fantasy football league should get naming rights to you child
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
But theres a keg here and me gusta
too late I already started a fight with someone named luscious
Turns out I hooked up with a chick who has lupus. I don't know if that's a bucket list thing or not, but it's now on mine. Check.
Is it too early to get staydrunk at 1pm on Friday for Monday's St Patty's day
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
The uber man and I sat in silence. With my underwear in my purse and my dress shoved in the pocket of the hoodie the guy gave me.
Why the fuck are you playing with legos?
Why the fuck are you questioning me?
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
I’m home. Please don’t call me unless you have an arterial bleed or you’re on fire. Love you 😘
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