Spotted on freeway- girl in ford focus takes a hit from a 7 inch pipe while knee driving. She winked at me. I want her life.
I admit it's going to be hard to top a limo orgy and Mcnuggets....but I have faith in you
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
It's probably just the physical manifestation of slut karma. But i of course mean that in the kindest way possible because i love you and respect your choices
sorry can't make it tonight, greg's getting back from italy. he's had two weeks of carbs and no gym; now's my chance to get myself a piece of that newly-fat, low self-esteemed ass.
Sorry but i am wayy to hungover to take mom to her AA meeting.
Wont she be proud, Hailey.
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
I'm sorry but I have WAY too many sex/ hookup related bruises on visible areas to be going home tmrw
He's sitting in his room on Facebook with nothing but a pillow covering his crotch. I can't help you at the moment.
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
I was going to say "wearing plaid doesn't make you gay, I wear plaid!" but then... heavy sigh
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
Do I masturbate or eat a pound of matazah. Alissa help what do I do??
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize
