I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
I have to collect my sorority sisters from greek row... I hate how being dd is a night and morning job
I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
She narrowed it down to 7 guys that could have gotten her pregnant.
i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
Oh shut up man. Once the police get involved its every man for themself.
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
I found a playlist on my ipod with only one song on it: gold digger. confused, but not surprised.
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
I wanna borrow his axe at this point and cut my head open just to relieve some pressure
Apparently stoned me thought eating chips in the shower was a good idea.
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
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