make any headway on the foot/dick situation?
someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
Using a Nedi Pot after doing lines... at least I'm a health conscious drug user?
Sweet and genuine is kinda lame. I'm more of a bust all over your face and hair kinda guy.
Uhm the hair is off limits bro, conditioner can only go so far.
Bro? You just made it a target.
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
Please tell me you're not home alone watching Glitter.
Can you see in?
You yelled "NICE PAJAMAS" at a construction worker wearing a reflective jumpsuit while we rode past on a bike taxi
Do they sell "congrats in losing your virginity!" cards and do they come in gay?
I hope. Last year I got lost in New Orleans and some guy named Cookie walked me home while I cried.
He told me I'm a small core of pure evil wrapped up in sweetness, gold, and puppies. He gets me.
That is beautiful
My ex's new gf is pregnant and he is sterile, so 2016 is starting off well.
Randomize
