she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person
It really wasent that hard. The male one had a M and the woman one had a W. I just couldent comprehend that at the time.
I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
when she said she was from California you started sobbing. You begged her not to melt your popsicle because you paid good money for it and you just wanted to eat it in peace.
So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
No I am not eating basil off your cock
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
How is it that you get into at least one taco related fight a year?
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
The air tonight was full of shame when we saw each other.
Well if u wouldn't have had sex on the front porch last night I think that could have been avoided.
Randomize
