What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
Shaq going to Cleveland; Vince Carter to the Magic; Michael Jackson, Farrah Fawcett, and Ed McMahon die.... ARMAGEDDON IS UPON US!!!!!
I think he was having a seizure but nobody knew because 'what is love' was playing
How much cunt could a cunt bag punch if a cunt bag could punch cunt?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I woke up covered in my own vomit with a pocket full of napkins. I guess I knew I would need them, but was not coherent enough to use them before passing out.
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
Well watching will be involved...it'll just most likely be of me licking your penis instead of me trying to understand how Hans Solo goes up against the Galactic Empire...
You seemed underwhelmed by my smooth, smooth ass
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
Somebody broke the sliding door, and someone ripped the toilet seat off the toilet. So yeah, pretty typical friday night
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