So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
His sister just told me that she thinks i'm a stupid bitch and that by going thru with this I'm ruining his life.
sounds like a hell of a rehearsal dinner
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
You defs just slept for 6 hours in a porta pottie. You should probably just kill yourself.
Just drove past the dude that came in your sock
I vaguely remember seeing that couple making out in front of that store and i yelled "I ALSO LOVE THE ROCKY MOUNTAIN SOAP COMPANY!"
I don't know his last name, but he's in phone as Pat the conqueror.
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
My Sexting was not on an AP level
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
He listens to me complain and in return I send him naked pictures. It's a win win situation
I couldnt sleep the entire night because her cats kept reaching under the door like they were trying to eat me for taking their place on her bed.
I always knew youd fuck a cat lady
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