Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
I'm drinking rum and coke straight from the 2 liter bottle.
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
I will never swim in a flooded basement again..
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
Yea we slept in ur room but im 80% sure we didnt have any peanut butter in there
The Universe is CLEARLY playing a bad joke on your sex life
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
I can empathize with sociopaths, serial killers, demons, gods, and monsters....straight white males are literally the only barrier to my 100% empathy rate. I don't get it.
I'm pretty sure I just won at life. I touched the bushy tail of a squirrel while he had his mouth full and was digging in a plant on campus. That is all.
you said it was a life or death situation, being your partner for beer pong doesn't count
Randomize
