All these guys look like the American Apparel version of Jesus...
Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
Dude I'm so glad we're not friends anymore. It would have made fucking your stepmom last night really awkward. Dickwad.
...she just doesn't genetically have the things I want my kids to have.
If your pregnant with his baby maybe we can start getting weed for free.
its like national bring your ginger to the pool day or something
All I want in this world right now are Doritoessssss
OK. You going to get home safe? Who are you with?
Doritoesssssss
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
I'm taking stock of m life as of right now and my Friday night plans are to drink a 30 rack by myself so I can have a tv stand when it is finished
Would I be bad if I bought a pregnancy test at shoppers the same time I hand in a resume? Or do you think it would get me the job?
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
I'm watching Trainwreck with Jeff and realizing that I'm the John Cena in my relationship.
Randomize
