thanks for house sitting, cat must be hiding again... everything go ok?
... about that ...
Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
I GOT MY PERIOD!
damn. i had names picked out.
Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
they told me her nickname is "wizard sleeve"
pick me up NOW
Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
He called his prostate his "boner button".
I've been alternating between telling people I was mauled by a bear or hit by a car to explain the massive unexplainable bruise on my leg. Slightly more worried now that the car idea is believable.
using the campers leftover pizza money at the bar. Definition of great counselors right here.
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
This is why we can never be together. Well that and we r married to other ppl but that's very minor detail compared to the coffee issue
After tacos, we're chasing women.
I just slammed a bottle of white wine before I came to Whole Foods so basically I'm just training to be a middle aged white woman.
Never. No amount of alcohol could convince my brain and eye sight that it is okay to fuck him. I'd rather fuck my cousin.
Randomize
