Well you will be happy to know that aaron carter hit on me
we are all sexual creatures
yea maybe. but you're not. you're not getting any.
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
He looks like he has a penis
What the fuck
A good one, a good penis
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
It was like she tried to cover up all the weight she gained with a fake tan...
Well Im currently dressed up as batman raiding frat houses for booze
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
In my opinion the party was fun, but i did A LOT of cocaine so my view was a little distorted......
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
I wouldn't hate if he could handle a sex only type of ship. I really don't want to use the word "relation" in front of that.
they are cutting me off...little do they know I am making a 75 yr old man i named Herbert buy me drinks now...no shame at 11 am...
Randomize
